Dear Etty,
My partner interrupts me when I am talking to other people. Sometimes she interrupts to correct what she perceives to be a misstatement on my part. Other times, someone asks me a question and she answers before I can respond. I have told her that her behavior is rude and demeaning. When I ask her to stop interrupting, she claims that she is entitled to express her opinion. Instead of bringing out our worst, how do we bring out our best?
Exasperated
Dear Ex,
When I was a toddler, my parents were concerned because I was not talking. My mother brought my older sister and me to our pediatrician. When the pediatrician asked me to tell him my name, my sister told him. When the pediatrician asked me for my age, again my sister informed him of my age and date of birth. When I heard this story as a grown- up, I realized that my sister was protecting me and demonstrating her verbal skills. After all, she received praise from our mother for these behaviors.
I wonder what rewards your partner receives by interrupting your conversation. If she is the underdog in your relationship, perhaps she is getting even when you are vulnerable. If she is insecure, perhaps her interruptions are a way to demonstrate her knowledge. Some partners believe they are helping by clarifying matters that their partner is unable to articulate – like being protective of a child. While your partner is correct about her right in a conversation to express her opinion, this continued behavior guarantees continued discontent and discord.
I believe that you and your partner are at a point where you have dug in your heels so that each of you believes you are in the right. When we know we are in the right, we no longer listen to each other. Consider using this dispute to suggest to your partner that as a couple you seek a counselor. By exploring your discontent together, you are likely to uncover the root causes for her interruptions. You may even uncover some behaviors on your part that are major irritants to your partner.
Etty
