I’ve been thinking about a movie I saw a few days ago called “I Love You, Man.” You may have heard of it. It’s an often silly, sometimes crude comedy starring Paul Rudd. Although I generally dislike this type of movie, I found that it said something important to me about why I value being a member of the Northern Virginia Ethical Society.

Without giving away too much of the plot, the story centers on man in his 30’s who’s engaged to be married. While planning the wedding with his fiancée, he realizes that while she is inviting many female friends and acquaintances, he has no male friends and acquaintances to invite. This forces him to take an honest look at his life. When doing so he realizes that he’s made no real effort to bond with other men. As I thought about this movie it occurred to me that at one time I didn’t make much of an effort to cultivate friends and acquaintances. However, becoming an active member of this Ethical Society changed that, and I’m very glad it did.

To me, the most significant aspect of my 23 years of membership in our Society has been my relationships with other members of our community. Before I started coming to NoVES, my relationships were limited to family, a couple of friends from college and law school, and acquaintances from work. I found it difficult to get close to people in my office, largely because work issues often interfered. The lawyers in my office maintained a distance from each other, probably because we were working under similar pressures and, in some ways, we were in competition with one another. And while I became friendly with some non-lawyers from the client agencies, the fact that I was their lawyer meant that there was always the potential for conflict. In the place where I lived I knew a few of my neighbors, but we never became all that friendly. It seems to be endemic to urban and suburban living that people don’t interact all that much with their neighbors. At NoVES, though, I’ve been able to establish relationships with many different people. I’m constantly meeting with other members to work on Society issues, to assist them when they need help, to participate in fun activities and sometimes just to casually talk. Perhaps it’s easier to establish good relationships with NoVES members because we have many common values. I know that working on these relationships has made me a more social person and made my life much more fulfilling.

Felix Adler stated that one of the essential elements of Ethical Culture is for its members to meet as a community. I thoroughly agree and look forward to many more opportunities to enhance my relationships with my friends and acquaintances within NoVES.